Is being ‘always on’ exhausting you? This is how you manage your energy well

There are times when you simply don’t have enough energy. So, what happens then? Working hard on upping your vitality isn’t the solution.

How energy works

It’s one of the most common complaints of our time: the agitation, stress, fatigue and lack of energy people feel. But what’s causing that? ‘We don’t know how to handle our energy anymore,’ explains Chantalle Weemaes, an expert in personal energy management and founder of TopState Training in the Netherlands. As a psychosomatic physiotherapist, she chose to study the biochemistry of physical ailments. Her message: There is still too much ignorance about what energy is exactly, and how we ourselves can find ways to maintain our personal balance in this intensely stimulating time. To do so, it helps to know how this all works in terms of biochemistry and in the brain.

‘Energy is fuel,’ Weemaes explains. ‘It’s stored in your body and is released when there’s a trigger for action. Whether you want to make a sandwich, read a book or finish an assignment: your brain sends your body a message that it needs to jump into action.’ In science, this is called a ‘stress stimulus’, but because we have negative associations with the word ‘stress’, Weemaes calls it an ‘action stimulus’.

This stimulus brings action hormones into play that make the body start up and release energy: adrenaline and cortisol among others. Weemaes compares it to a tank from which adrenaline and cortisol take a little bit, and then let it rush through the body. ‘Now the energy, as fuel, is racing through your system and lets you drive from A to B,’ she says. ‘This doesn’t only happen when you take physical action; the same thing happens to people who lie awake worrying in bed or who think a lot. So you end up thinking: “I’m not doing anything, why am I tired?” Well, your body has been constantly discharging energy to think.’

Little triangles of exertion and relaxation

In an ideal situation, a healthy balance of exertion and relaxation has the shape of a triangle. It starts with a stimulus, then comes the exertion (the upward line), and then the relaxation (the downward line). In that downward line, the body recovers and returns to a state of rest.

Ideally, you will find ways to add both small and big triangles to your days. But what if you skip the triangles, because you’re doing one of the countless chores that are waiting for you?

What happens then, Weemaes says, is that the downward line of a little triangle gets stuck somewhere halfway, and the body never achieves a full state of rest. And if we’re not careful, not only do we use up the fuel from our main tank, but from our reserve tank too.

‘For a short while, that’s not so bad,’ Weemaes explains. ‘Sometimes you just have to pull out all the stops if something stressful is going on in your family, or at work.’ If that lasts too long, however, the persistent tension in the body will lead to ailments. From skin problems to depression, from headaches to hyperventilation, and from joint pain to having a persistent cold; a staggering number of ailments are linked to those hormones being on constant duty. ‘Sometimes people can’t even feel the sun on their skin anymore,’ says Weemaes, ‘because their nervous system has become numb.’

Distraction instead of rest

‘The silent assassin’ is what Dutch awareness coach Miranda de Jongh calls this simmering tension in our bodies. De Jongh helps people who are looking for peace in their minds and energy in their bodies. ‘They work hard, lead busy social lives and seem to have it all,’ she says. ‘But inside, they feel empty, and being ‘always on’ is exhausting them.’ Conversations with her clients often revolve around listlessness, a lack of enthusiasm for doing anything, and deep fatigue. ‘And then they think: “How can this be? I’m only doing fun things, and suddenly I have ulcers and sleep issues?!”’

Both Weemaes and De Jongh say that a lot of people don’t know how to unwind anymore. De Jongh observes that after a long day, we don’t seek out rest, but distraction. She calls it ‘short-term dopamine moments’—continuously scrolling on social media for example. ‘You can compare it to fast food, which only fills you up but doesn’t nourish you.’

Curiously enough, when we’re tired and listless, we tend to add things to our daily schedule instead of removing them, says De Jongh. ‘We crash on the couch, incredibly tired, but instead of going to bed early, we subscribe to a course on ‘energy management’ on Instagram. Now there’s one more thing for us to do. When what we really need to do is put our phone away and go to sleep.’

Learning to regulate your enthusiasm

‘So you get tired,’ continues Weemaes, ‘and you go to the doctor, and they say, with the best intentions: “Go for a nice run”. But the energy you need to draw from your tired body to do that, comes from your reserve tank. It seems like you’re getting energy from it. That’s true, but it’s coming from the wrong tank. What you feel is energy borrowed from the future, as well as your brain enthusiastically telling you, “Well done”, and making you feel good through feel-good hormones such as dopamine. That’s why even very enthusiastic people can be so tired, to their own bafflement, when they’re doing all sorts of fun things. Those also require energy.’

That’s why you might sometimes don’t feel like doing all your plans and projects, but just long to float away in a warm bath, with the sound of bamboo instruments in the background. ‘You also have to learn to regulate your enthusiasm,’ says Weemaes. ‘In the moment, you might think: “I’m going to eliminate all stress triggers from my life”, but that’s not a good idea either.’ Interestingly, the other extreme, a life without action stimuli, is not any healthier.

We need those little triangles of exertion and relaxation for the tank to work optimally, Weemaes says. ‘What you see in people who start living very calmly—I call that a “flat line life”, so without energy peaks and troughs—is that their resilience decreases. And if something stressful happens, they can find it very difficult to cope. We need to keep training that tank; our energy system.’

Get to know your energy usage

But how do you recharge your energy then? Well, that completely depends on you. How you fill your tank is very personal. What your body experiences as relaxation has to do with your history, your associations and how your brain works.

It helps to get to know your own energy usage really well so that you can adjust it yourself, says Weemaes. And this highly individual energy management begins with physical awareness. ‘It starts with getting in touch with your body,’ she says. ‘You can feel for yourself how much energy you’re expending and when your battery is recharging.’ Weemaes calls this ‘slider settings’. When it slides to ‘on’, and the adrenaline and cortisol twosome, among others, cheerfully get to work, you notice it in your increased muscle tension, faster breathing, quicker heartbeat. Conversely, you can also keep track of when your body is truly relaxing.

In addition to physical awareness, it’s also important to look at everything you’re doing, says De Jongh. ‘Just make a list of it all: What are my activities in a day, in a week. You’re clearly doing too much, but why? And why do you hit the brakes so late? What kind of thought patterns are fueling that behavior?’

Thoughts that you must get on with it, no whining, no dropping out, do what you promised, finish what you started, things like that… But also, just loving new projects and plans.

‘Make your goals clear and share them with someone who gently reminds you of them now and then,’ says De Jongh. ‘Regularly ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” And listen to yourself.’

Exercice 1: What Is Costing Me Energy?

An exercise from awareness coach Miranda de Jongh.

1. Make a list of things that cost you energy.

Such as scheduling appointments and then having to reschedule them because you’re running out of time.

2. What gives me energy?

For example, empty mornings for just me.

What am I going to clear out in the near future?

3. What doesn’t give me energy?

For example, doing too many projects at once.

What am I going to scale up in the near future?

4. What am I already doing and will start doing more of in the coming month?

For example, no more screens after 10 p.m.

Exercice 2: Monitor Your Tank

An exercise from energy expert Chantalle Weemaes.

Do you want to learn to manage your energy well? Then it’s essential that you monitor the balance between stress and relaxation in yourself. This starts with consciously perceiving how you use your energy and following your ‘triangles’.

Do you notice your muscle tension, heart rate, breathing or blood pressure rising? Those are clear signals of high energy consumption. Are you not hungry on a busy day? That also indicates that your body is using a lot of energy. Are you constantly putting out fires without focus? Then there’s a good chance you’re wasting too much energy.

Also pay attention to physical signals in everyday situations. For example, are you sitting in the car on your way home with your shoulders raised or your tongue pressed against the roof of your mouth? Then you’re using more energy than necessary.

By recognizing these signals, you gain insight into your energy consumption. At the same time, these exercises in self-observation help you to create a downward triangle slope.

Want to read more?

• This is a shortened version of an article that previously appeared in Flow 41. Would you like to read more? Buy the latest Flow International here.

Text Annemiek Leclair Illustrations Ana Hard
Published on May 10, 2026